4th anniversary

I don't know how I should feel today. Everything is going wrong but I don't want to give up and byside this today is also, or would be, our fourth anniversary. I admite that I'm not feeling quiet good but I won't write a depressive text saying how broken I should be bc we are apart, instead I write about all the amazing things that come to my mind on this day. I can still feel the excitement I felt 4 years ago when I was sitting at school waiting to meet you. I knew that something was different, special, on that 11th november 2010 and for me it was the most special day of my life. I can still feel your hand holding mine on that cold rainy day. At that time I never thought that we would come so far because we were like day/night, we were so different but that's what made us so strong. It would be our 4th anniversary and I can't understand why we gave up. We should have fought for what we had and still have. Yesterday I walked the same way we had walked 3 years ago for our first anniversary. It was such a great night. It was the first time I had dinner at your house with your parents and that made me realize how our relationship was becoming serious. When I walked throw those streets I remembered every reason that made me fall in love with you. I realized that our breakup was mostly caused by others and that we should had ignore all the bad influence. You can't deny that we are perfect for one another but maybe right now is just the wrong time. You must know that I don't regret anything I lived with you. I spend the most stressful time of my life with you and you were always there when I needed you, you gave me the strength I needed. This day will remind me of you, every year over again. We had a real love and and I am sure there is still love left. You can't ignore the fact that you can't go a day without thinking about me. The 11th november will always be our day! 4 years aren't nothing. I should have asked you to be my nothing because that's the only thing that lasts forever. 

Anyway, I miss and love you. Happy 4th Anniversary my endless love. 

Real love doesn't go away

Everybody talks about how you will get over someone after a breakup and how you will forget and find someone better or even the right one. But what if it doesn't get away? What if you don't forget? Why doesn't someone speak about what happens when you find the right one but lose them? Sometimes it isn't that simple and you can't just move on no matter how hard you try. People can't keep saying that you will find someone better everytime you lose someonebecause at a point you lost the best and then it won't get better. And it's not alright to think that  because a person lost the right one that this person will be sad all the time. They won't!  You will continue you live, have fun, meet new people, smile and maybe love but something inside you heart will stay broken and you will never be able to love the way you loved that particular person. People have to learn that not everything heals and that there are things that you don't get over. Never. You might 'love' someone and give them a chance to love you but it won't be that love that takes your breath away. You know exactly that it is not real. It is not the real endless love you once felt. That's what some of you should remember before they say to someone that they have to move on and that it will go away. Some of us lose the right one but they don't stop living. You love that person everyday but you don't give up living your own life. Things are not like everybody wants them to be. Only a few people really know what love feels like and that's the most precisous gift in the world. Accept that some of us find their soul mate but something tears them apart. 

Real love still existes in a few hears. 

C.

I won't I won'tIn the past 5 years I have learned so much. How to live without anyone around me. How to smile even when I am at the end of my motivation. How to get over what seems to never become better. But the most important thing I've learned is that I can not trust anyone, not even those you call your family because sometimes those are the worst. I used to think that family was the essence of life but I realized that the only family I had has fallen apart the day you left me. Or maybe we were already broken since dad became ill. I don't know. I learned that you were my only family and that all the others were only there to tear us downbc you were born into a family who doesn't want you to live a better life than the one they are living. They never supported you when you needed someone instead they only made you feel worse and critized you for every choice you took for yourself. The sad part is that they destroyed you because after a while you couln't handle all that bullshit alone and you just gave up. They took you from me. And they are trying to do the same thing with me but I am a lot stronger than you were. I had to be that strong because at the end of the day I just had myself. I won't let anyone tear with I am fithubg for apart. Maybe I became cold but that's the only way I can survive this alone. I won't trust anyone and I will reach my goals without needing someone because that's what destroies us, to need someone. You were amazing and I am so thankful to call you my mother. I am missing you every day but I will get throw all these bullshit.